Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
