If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I enjoy the company of your penis
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
