Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
