NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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