Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
