no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
