she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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