Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
