last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Randomize
