I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize
