I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
