Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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