true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
