you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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