Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I miss vodka workout Fridays
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
