The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
