there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I think I sprained my soul last night
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
