So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
