My nipple is on Facebook.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Randomize
