I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I party with great urgency now.
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