OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
So gin and wine won't be happening again
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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