this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Randomize
