There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Randomize
