pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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