Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Randomize
