I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
