Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
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