All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
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