Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
