you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
