watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Drunk is not a location!
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
