My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
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