dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Randomize
