oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
