are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
