shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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