She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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