I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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