I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize