I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
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