wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
