And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
