My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
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I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
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Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
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