Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
