checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Randomize
