Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Randomize
