The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
