i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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