after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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