she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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