a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
