Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
