She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
This is the high leading the old right now
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
