Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize
