Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize