you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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