is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
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The beers last night were like the tears from god
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
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After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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