its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize