I hate your face
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Randomize
