i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.