All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.