while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
why do cheetos always look like penises
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
