im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven