I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
21 Awkward Ways People Found Out Their Partner Was Into Outrageous Sex Acts
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex