Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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