I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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