found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
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