how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Randomize
