haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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