Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Randomize
