i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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