remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
