Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
