But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
