professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
COCAINE IS GR8
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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