Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize