____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
