You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
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I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
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I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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