walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
