How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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