I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
