apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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