I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Randomize
