dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
