yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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