its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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