So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing