we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
21 Disappointing Confessions From Teenage Fathers
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
19 Of The Most Epic “I Quit’ Stories Ever
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.