I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.