Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."