I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.